Catching you up (6)

(Selections from August, 2008)

I hate being the one solving all the problems, and yet who would I be if I didn't? Even when coworkers ask things of others, I bite my tongue not to answer, not to contribute, not to help. On one hand, it's admirable: such a volunteering spirit! On the other, it's invasive and annoying: can't I leave well enough alone?

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Reading a discussion on 'guilt' has provoked yet another examination of my moods and behaviours: a clue into a major question that has been rattling in my head for months now. I'm no longer sad; so why do I still not feel right?

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I have no idea how to tell my husband how I feel when I feel like I'd rather be alone again, on my own again, somewhere new again.

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It may look like success to you, with every promotion and another problem solved. But it's just another year passed, to me. The small satisfactions in helping others may make the food on my table that much more palatable, but they are still only small and still only satisfactions. Don't ask me what I did today -- ask me what thing, however small, gave my day meaning.

I never remember.

Read on the NHS Choices Blog.