Catching you up (13)

(Selections from June, 2009)

There's new writing on my blackboard. "Do not self-censor."

I don't mean say and do everything that comes to mind. But everything deserves due consideration. When I am used to living so privately, so carefully, so avoidantly... I need to stretch. I need to ask myself: "What is really stopping me?"

"What am I trying to hide?"

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The memories, those little wisps, they are starting to interject themselves into my days again. Breathless, disjointed pauses. Just one unified moment of taste touch smell sound... sight. One hour, researching NHS guidelines. One millisecond, Lost friendship. Remember. And it lingers, that one millisecond of nothing, while the rest of the hour fades away.

They are coming, more and more frequent. The answer is two months. Two months of stirring up dust. Two months new. And then the brain starts flipping channels.

Tonight I walked in place.

I will forget. I will.


Read on the NHS Choices blog.