Time to [redefine] Change

One in four people suffer from mental health problems at some point in their lives, a statistic which has been passed around and quoted so often, we’ve become desensitized to it. It’s supposed to challenge our culture (desire? habit?) of excluding people who experience mental illness by acknowledging the prevalence of it. But the problem (as usual) is a bit more complex. The Department of Health suggests that people can manage their mental health problems successfully, but “the biggest barrier to getting back on their feet is not the symptoms of illness, but the attitudes of other people.”

Time to Change’s recent social experiment (despite its design flaws) has elegantly shown that most people would prefer to date someone unattractive and uninteresting than someone with mental illness. Can I really blame them? I’m not sure I would answer any differently, and I’m certainly not obliged by Equality and Diversity laws when I choose who to spend time with and who to marry.

I chose my husband specifically because he was so stable and kind, and because I believed we would have genetically and socially superior children (Superior to me, that is). Would he have still chosen me had I opened the conversation with “I like Frou Frou and have a personality disorder” rather than simply getting to know each other slowly and sensitively as people? It’s a bit like stating on your first date that you are incontinent or have erectile dysfunction. Who is that helping, really – you or your date?

I defy anyone who feels the need to disclose that they suffer from mental illness to 'prepare' people. If we’re disclosing our personal foibles, what about disclosing our high cholesterol, our physical inactivity, our inability to take out the trash, or our secret belief that we are smarter than most people who will reply to our ad? Wouldn’t that be a fairer comparison than simply being Attractive, Interesting (+ BY THE WAY, Mentally Ill)?

It’s easy for me to toe the line. People with personality disorders are not even considered to be mentally ill by many experts. Ironically, without the power of excuse, all that leaves us PD folk with is stigma and exclusion. Under the new changing times, I am empowered to share that I suffer from depression and anxiety. I experience them from time to time, but I don’t suffer. So what am I left to say that anyone else is prepared to hear? Because personality disorder is not mental illness anymore. It’s me. Just Eliza. Attractive, interesting (+ BY THE WAY, Different).

This is not self-deprecation. A personality disorder is, by definition, undesirable. But I embrace the term. I am okay with being undesirable, moreso while the discomfort helps you realise the massive impact small choices can collectively have on a human life. We all affect each other, whether we are 'one in four' or 'three in four.'

I may be an unavoidably different adult with a spectacularly higher risk of both mental and physical illness (including suicide!), thanks to a gauntlet of attachment problems and series of unfortunate events. And I understand that 74% of you wouldn’t want to date me or be my flatmate. But you would be a fool to not appreciate the unique and powerful perspectives and contributions that people with mental illnesses and personality disorders have.

Let me redefine 'one in four' for you.

If your finger is bleeding, you wash it, bandage it, and more importantly – use a knife more skillfully and more safely in the future.

25% of our nation is bleeding, which means 100% of us need to care. And 100% of us need to change.


Read on the NHS Choices blog.