"Would you like to have a cuddle?" The mother smiled warmly at me, holding out her baby.
Blood drained from my head, and I put up my hands in protest. The walls started falling down, but something stopped them. Maybe it was her smile.. or the way she looked so gently at me. My mouth was ready to say no, my heart wanting yes, and my head, defeated. For once, defeated.
"I don't know how." My eyes filled and I blinked, grateful for my glasses and the low light. "I've never held a baby this young before."
She stepped over to me, holding the baby to my chest. "Just support her head." I stared at the bundle. This was a person. A little person. My great-niece, in fact.
I set her down immediately on my legs, propped up as I saw her grandmother (my sister-in-law) do just moments before. I stared at her, terrified, lonely, and confused. The baby began to sniffle and then cry. I looked to her mother, who sat calmly nearby. I looked back to the baby, holding her tiny hands with just a finger, stroking her cheek, and finally her head, just behind the ear. She quieted.
She quieted. But something in me woke.
Sometimes holding a baby so small, perfect and defenseless. Not only do you get to see that little person but the realization that you were once the same way is intense. I am sure it woke up something and I hope those feelings lead you on you journey :) Congrats Auntie :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment Sandy =)
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