My christmas wish.

I wish that someone could have helped my family.

I wish that someone could have helped my dad and mum learn to regulate themselves so they weren't so stressed. Because then my brother and I would have learned how to regulate ourselves, and we wouldn't have been so stressed. We wouldn't have had to hide all of our problems away from each other, which was kind enough in its own way, because we knew we couldn't handle it. We couldn't handle each other.

And if we didn't hide all of our problems away from each other and if we weren't so stressed all the time, we could've enjoyed ourselves more. We could've spent more time together. We could have appreciated the moments we had. We could have known and appreciated the people we were. We could've helped to build each other's resilience and strength.... instead of re-traumatising each other every chance we got.

We could have been a family.