My marriage is ending.
I don't want to be rescued. I don't want help or advice or guidance. This is my responsibility. This is our choice. I know I will get through this. I know my life will be dramatically changed. I know eventually it will be better.
What I don't know is whether I should go back to my life pre-Drew or to go forward from here.
Either way, it's hard.
Like it or not, I split when I moved to the UK. My life here is built around him. It will take time to unpick all of that, and more time to choose what I want to keep. There is not a single person who knows all of me. There are only parts, faces, personas, bits, pieces. People have room for pieces, but not all of me. I am too spread out.
No matter where I go, there will always be part of me somewhere else.
I am sorry that you are enduring this. I am here if you need to talk. It is your responsibility and your choice, but please know that you are not alone. While I may only know you from your blog, I do know that you are intelligent and a hard worker. I know you are strong, even on your toughest day. You are a fighter and a survivor and so many of us surely admire your courage and strength. Like I said, if you ever need to talk, I am here. Hang in there my friend.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that. :( I don't know the background, but it sounds like a very difficult situation. How are you coping with it all? Thinking of you. x
ReplyDeleteThanks to you both. I'm taking it day by day, putting into practice all of the habits I've formed through therapy. It is complicated and hard, but I am coping. Drew and I are both kind people and neither of us is angry with each other. I have three friends who understand how difficult this is and have made space/time for me. I have colleagues who are pleasant to work with and make an effort to socialise with me. I have a mother who I am able to at least share things with and know that she is thinking of me (even if I do have to filter out all of the rubbish from it).
ReplyDeleteIt could be (and has been) a lot worse. No one wants to be hurt, but this was inevitable. I did my best to prepare for it, and I think I prepared more than adequately. I've contacted the counselling service at work and will have a few sessions to help process some of the overwhelming emotions. FX it won't be traumatic; they are bog-standard counsellors who believe Reiki and EFT can cure-all. I'll do my best to make everything simple for them. ;-)
I have no idea what the next day holds for me, but I trust it will be okay.