Ways to Wellbeing

I've made enormous progress since my last therapy session. Really, quite huge stuff. I'm continuously humbled and amazed at how I continue to improve. It is possible to cope better, to learn more, and to become the person you want to be in the world.

Ironically, that starts with accepting who you are, what you cannot cope with, and what you are struggling to learn.

Paying attention.
Accepting.
Letting go.
Holding on.
Acting authentically.
Being kind.
Reflecting.
Connecting.

It reminds me of the five ways to well-being that NEF produced:

Connect.
Be Active.
Take Notice.
Keep Learning.
Give.

When I started psychotherapy, I was completely withdrawn from everyone. I worked and went home to the couch. I pathologically avoided myself and how I experienced the world in favour of 'going through the motions'. I felt I had nothing to give.

My progress hung completely on my desire and ability to learn.

She taught me how to take notice (pay attention) and I learned that no matter how afraid I was, the world didn't fall down around me. I didn't die or disappear. It didn't last forever. I didn't go psychotic. People didn't take away my things. Nobody ran away. I felt awful. I felt terrified. But I learned; it was okay. I was okay.

Through shared experiences, I connected with my therapist. She showed me how much richer and more secure relationships were when both people were authentic. I learned how to connect to myself. I opened myself to connecting with others. I learned to value in them what my therapist valued in me. I gained two real friends. My existing friendships became richer. My relationship has been stripped of inauthenticity; it is incredibly bare and vulnerable, but much stronger foundations.

As I continued to build healthy boundaries and feel more secure, I was able to give to others without losing myself. I'm still learning, still moving the walls, still exploring what I'm capable of. I am capable of being kind.

In the spirit of authenticity, despite my intense fears, I applied for a masters programme. My brain thrives in education. I need to keep it active. I desire to learn.

I also desire to climb mountains, play football, sail (and capsize) a boat. I desire to run, to fall, to get up and run again.

This period of intense introspection was necessary. And I won't lose any what I've learned as I continue to reach out. It will always be about finding that balance, using my experience, my feelings, as a guide.

I will be discovering the world. I will be discovering me.

That's my bowl. That's how I contain myself.